Wake up feeling depressed

I wake up late this morning and consequently went late to work. In the shower I keep thinking about why am I like this, instead of hurried up and run.

I have no apparent reason to wake up late, I sleep well like usual, with the usual dose of neighbour’s disturbance, I woke up at 6 AM and fall asleep again, usually, I rose at 8 and prepared to go to work. But this time I woke up around 9.30 AM and surprisingly didn’t felt guilty at all. Instead, I keep wondering.

It happened before… three years ago with my first job, and it triggered me to quit my job. I wonder if this is a sign for me to look for another job or something else? to contemplate my life’s direction?

Well, I don’t hate my job, I like it and grateful for it.

But somehow I hate it every morning that I woke, I feel that my nights were not so significant and look like that today is just another yesterday. Sounds like an invisible loop that I want to escape. I didn’t feel like living in the moment. I hated weekday and I can’t wait for the weekend, but also frustrated when I realized that Sunday will be followed by Monday.

I had been in prolonged unemployment, and I always felt irritated when people on social media talked about weekdays-weekend, “I hate Monday” or “thank God it’s Friday”, I felt so envy because at least they have a job to say sort of thing that they should be grateful of.

But now I can feel the irony of this whole “job-hating” thing

I am not sure whether this is only a phase because I am currently living from paycheck to paycheck and get depressed because I run out of money way before the next paycheck? or is there something profound about it and there is more to it than usual boredom?

My daily job is sometimes tiring and hectic, sometimes it was boring and I have nothing else to be done besides checking emails. I am grateful for this job, I have time to read a couple of pages of the novel that I borrowed from a local library every now and then. But I keep feeling this way, I feel uneasy every morning no matter how much I tried to ignore it, it’s been a week and more.

However, before I started this job, I have committed to secure this job at least one and a half year, to build my resume, and to pursue my main agenda.